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Thursday, June 30, 2011 10:10 AM

I believed what my friends said that's there a big possibility that he likes me too, because of their eavesdropped moments with him but when when we're alone together, I feel that I'm just another friend. Yes, I assumed things again for the nth time that's why I'm in pain. That's always my mistake. I know. Yet, I can still do something. Right? It's too early.

I'm not being fast here. It's just that I'm starting to like him too much that I want him to feel the same way. Isn't that what everybody's hoping for when they like someone?

These feelings will never be reciprocated. I was dreaming. Everything was a misunderstanding. I thought, maybe.. I was special. I always asked these questions to myself..

Why did he asked me to cut classes just to to be with him? (FYI, we didn't. We came back, I think he was just joking at that time)

WHY?

It made me hope for something else....

But then, reality kicked in. It's just another one-sided feeling :(

Sweet dream

Sunday, June 26, 2011 7:49 PM

It's been several notable months since I've had a crush, a real crush, not like the crush wherein you just saw him once then huzzah, instant crush. Not that kind. It's like 'liking someone' in a sense that err- I can't barely explain. I've never had this feeling since le Jerome era. Knowing myself, as much as possible I forbid myself to develop feelings to someone whom I know I'm hopeless.

And it happened for the first time. I have a crush and it's hopeless. He's bitter with his ex although he's planning to make a move on a new one. Fail -.- You see, there's no me in the picture. Yes, he was extra friendly in getting my number from a common friend and texting me straight for two whole days but then again, there can't be me.

Why did I let myself to be in this kind of situation???? Why am I such a hypocrite and I let my expectations and hopes get in the way? Why didn't I use this effin' mind?! Why?

....

..

.

In the end, the answer is right in front of me. It's my heart who's the culprit and the answer to these endless questions. Or maybe my eyes? Lol. Just making myself laugh.

I knew it, like/love is just an illusion! Lol, that was me being cynical. I hope someone will prove it to me.. someday.

Appa~

Sunday, June 19, 2011 8:02 PM

It's been a month since Dad left us. I must admit that I've taken him for granted. He gave everything to me. Everything, really. HE IS SUCH A GOOD PROVIDER. Even though it broke his principles in life. For example, allowing me to go wherever I want, have sleepovers and the like. My siblings never experienced that without being scolded. He rarely hits me which is very unusual because my father is like that to my siblings. It was his way of inculcating discipline to us.. but I got that privilege to be exempted. Bottom line is, I'm really spoiled by my father but I rarely said thanks. Plus, I've never ever said I love you ever since I reached my teenage years. That's where I was awfully wrong :(

I miss him so much not because I'm having a hard time because of everything money-related but because everything's not the same. Although I'm showing everyone a calm facade, everything for me changed because of him. Everything went from heavenly good to dreadfully worst. Seriously.

To everyone, cherish every moment with your father. My father's death was really unexpected. All we thought it was a simple "trangkaso", little did we know that the next day he'll be saying goodbye. You never know when will death conquer anyone. Be thankful and appreciate! :)

It'll be worth in the end

Sunday, June 12, 2011 7:10 PM

Good thing, my new friends were kind enough to understand my situation even though they're short with one roommate. Oh wells. What can I do? I know that if we have the money, mom would allow me without any hesitation. I just have to sacrifice because I still have a balance for my tuition. I think that's more important and the trip isn't mandatory naman.

I really hope this sacrifice will let me go to Korea! *fingers crossed*

I don't need a freakin' debut celebration, all I want is just to go there. Everyone will say that my dream is too shallow but who cares? I love Korea, not just the k-pop stars (they're just the bonus part), but the country itself.

Everything will pay off in the end, I hope! :D

Taking chances

Sunday, June 5, 2011 8:19 PM

I realized that I'm gradually losing hope. All I have in mind are short-term goals. What are my long-term goals? To live in Korea? That's too shallow and I don't think that's enough for me to strive harder. I also realized that I should stop. If CSB is not really meant for me, I should not push myself too far. Or my mom. I'm becoming selfish all over again.

That is why I'm planning to take my chances in applying for a scholarship in DLSU. AB in International Studies major in European Studies, since it was my frustration in ADMU, might as well take my chance while it's not too late. I can take Culinary classes after college, right? Maybe pursuing a HRIM degree is too much to handle for my mother. Although, I would love to continue my studies in CSB, I have to think of my future and our financial status. Thinking of my future in CSB is kinda blurry for me. Especially since HRIM (or HRM which is more known in other schools) is getting too common nowadays.

I just really have to take a chance. Whichever school gives me a higher scholarship grant, then I'll go. One thing's that going to remain is.. ANIMO FOREVER.