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 Asian ; Filipina 18 years of fragility. This has been up since 2008. Rants of LOVE, life & whatnot. Affiliates
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Before the year ends..
Thursday, December 31, 2009
12:27 PM
..I would blog! :))It`s the last day of the year. \:D/ I`m trying to be happy. Dad came home again yesterday. I guess we were half expecting it. It`s okay. Complete family though. :o I`m not really excited, I can`t feel it again. New Years` resolution? I don`t have any. I`m not in the mood to think of something or promises which I will break sometime. It`s just like a guide but almost all didn`t get to live by it. Whatever comes, will come. I`m trying to change in a way. I don`t want to make a list of my bad traits or doings this year, I know it already. If I could change it, I will. Yay. Vacation will be over in just a few days. NOOOO! :)) I won`t be able to watch music festivals, music videos or whatever the whole day. Haha! Since yesterday, I`ve been in fangirl mode. \m/ SBS and KBS Gayo Daejun. Whew! Even if the net`s becoming slow, I was able to finish it. I love the performances. \:D/ I think MBC will also have theirs today. Hopefully, I`ll be able to watch it tomorrow. I hope the uploaders will upload the HD version. XD I salute KPOP artists. Imagine, sunud-sunod na performances in different events. I know, it`s their hit songs. But the special stages. The steps, they memorized it in a short span of time. Whoa. :)) Later, they`ll cook for the Medya Noche. Is that right? Same old. I have no recipe for tonight`s event. Tinatamad ako. So I`ll be watching more on youtube. \o/ Nonsense post. Terrible
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
10:20 PM
Oh, I really miss him. He`s somewhere far, he said he`s at her grandmother`s place. It feels so far away. Absence might make the heart grow fonder. Lol.I know this post will hurt him again. But he might not be able to read this, cause he`ll stay there until the end of the vacation. Uhhh. We really had a LOT of fights. Sometimes, I`m the one who`s wrong or vice versa. For the sake of ending the row, I just forget eventhough it really really hurts. Why can`t he sometimes think of what I`m going through ? Instead he`ll just think of his sake. But I get to think, I`m like that too. I guess, I can`t blame him. I`m unfair, so as he. The fight this day was really terrible. Those hurtful words, really strucked me. What did I do? I forgave him and pretended it didn`t happened. But it`s here *points again at her heart*. About some stuffs. I really feel inferior when talking to him. Like he knows everything, and I`m just IDK. I really hate know-it-alls eversince. I know these are just simple reasons. But I can`t help myself. I just need to let this all out. I don`t what to get tired of all these. I want him. I love him. I don`t want to give up, not yet. But it`s beginning to be too much. Hi there
Monday, December 28, 2009
5:21 PM
So I have moved. :))Kasi yung bida ng blog ko, nabasa ang mga pinopost ko. XD At nag-away uli kami. Kung nababasa parin niya to. Ibig sabihin ang tanga ko, kasi nalaman parin niya. O sadyang stalker talaga. :)) Nabasa niya siguro lahat ng mga hate post ko. Pero puro si Jerome naman ang laging tinutukoy. Ngayon lang naging siya. Oh well. Lol much. Yun lang sasabihin ko sa story ng aking paglipat. BOW. Love has no distance baby
Sunday, December 27, 2009
9:40 PM
Geez. LSS. She was mine~Happy Sweet Sixteen Reena Angelica del Rosario! Labyuu! :-* Had fun at her party. Lotsa foods. Twister! Sakit ng katawan ko ngayon. Grabe. I`m just waiting for my phone to be charged. Then I`ll be out. Ohhh~ We got lost. We rode the wrong jeepney. Haha! There was no jeep at the town proper. So we rode a tricycle. Good thing it`s cheap. XD I was kidding that we`ll gonna be lost but it just happened. Lol. I`m proud of myself today because I ignored her. Whew! Cheers! Jemil said, naghahanap nanaman nang away yun. Orayyyyyt. :)) I mean at first I was rattled, but in the end. Success. I don`t care what she said. Lalo na yung nasa wall nanaman niya. Kung ako man yon, na feel ko oo. Edi okay. Haters, men. :)) Sabi nga niya not everything is about me. Feelingera ako e. Hahaha! Shiznit. I`m tired of her shits. I`m tired of going down to her level. Ate nga ko diba? I apologized. Not really true. Okay my pride. :)) I apologized for the sake of ending this shit. But I`m really not sincere. LIKE WTF. You stole what`s mine. I can`t forget it. It`s still here *points at her heart*. It`s bruised, like there's a hole. Okay. :)) I suffered hell because of you. Sooo. screw you. >:) Sorry my arse. :)) Ewww. Bad girl. Oh. Nagkita narin kami ni Jerome. God knows how much I missed him. Eww. Cheesy. :)) Late christmas gift~ On the top of my wishlist! Van Alen Legacy book. Ohyeaaa. Thanks. ILY. Kidding. Nothing much to say. Shorteeeeeyyy. XD Annyeong. ;) I wonder about love
Saturday, December 26, 2009
6:44 PM
Magtatagalog na ako kasi hindi ko ma-english. :))or Taglish XD Nauubusan na ako. XD Nonsense to. So yeah, bumalik siya sakin. Alam kong sincere naman yun e. And thankful ako. Hindi pa naman officially na kami e. Pero kanina.. bumalik yung feeling na hindi ka sure kung mahal ka ba niya talaga. Yun yung naramdaman ko nung the day before magbreak kami. Tinanong ko siya kung mahal pa ba niya ko. Then I believed what he said pero di pala totoo. Kanina I asked him again, ewan ko. Haha! Ayoko nung question na yun e. Sa buhay ko, yun yung pinakaiiwasan ko. Kaya pag nandun sa point na tinatanong ko yun. Sobrang ewan. Nagets niyo ba? Lol. Kahit anong gawin ko kasi, hindi maaalis si girl sa utak ko. Parang kakabit na siya ng relasyon namin e. Hindi ko makalimutan yung minsan na iniwan niya ako para dun. Nandun parin yung kaba na any moment pwede niya ulit gawin yun. Tapos yung sinasabi niya na naguluhan siya at napunta nalang siya sa situation na yun. At mali yung napili niya. Kaya nag go nalang siya. Ang hirap paniwalaan e. Ang sakit isipin na kung hindi sila nagkagulo, hindi siya sakin ngayon. Ang sakit sakit nun. Gosh. Naiiyak nanaman ako. Ewan ko nga kanina, sobrang lungkot naiyak ako. :)) Naalala ko pa yung retreat letter sakanya, na hindi naman daw gusto na makipagbreak. Parang ako, hayy. Kung hindi talaga, wala. Emo parin ako ngayon. Baka mga hate post parin dito sa blog. Hindi niyo siguro ako maintindinhan. Haha! Kahit sabihin niya na hindi niya minahal yun. Alam kong minahal niya talaga. Kasi ako yung kausap niya nung sila e. Bitter diba? Pag naiisip ko talaga na naging sila. Parang sinasaksak yung puso ko e. Tapos yung J<3J. Aigoooo~ Kung nasave ko lang yung mga text niya noon. Proweba. XD Kahit talaga sakin na siya, nasasaktan parin ako. Ba`t ganun? Pinapatunayan naman niya na ako talaga yung mahal niya at nagkamali siya. Pero ako yata talaga yung may problema e. Sinasarado ko yung isip ko. Lagi nga kaming nag-aaway dahil sakin. :( Minsan kasi joke ko lang naman yung dun na siya kay ano, kaso nagiging big deal mga ganun. Eh mahilig pa naman ako maggalit galitan. Nag-iinarte ako palagi pero hindi naman talaga ako galit. .. I want this to work out. But the problem is me. Why can`t I get over them? Why can`t I forget the pain? Tapos na naman yun e. Hindi ko alam. Maybe I need some space. Pero hindi ko naman kaya yun. Mahal ko siya. Ewan ko kung mahal niya ko. :)) Ewan ko kasi kanina kung magtext siya parang kakaiba e. Sinabi ko ng bati na, pero parang may something. Ewan? Matagal pa siguro bago maging kami. :)) Aayusin ko muna yung problema ko sa sarili ko. People make a change
10:11 AM
Dad left. \:D/Earlier before he left, we had a family conference. It seems that I`m the only one who`s doing the bad things. :)) He said that tomorrow would be my last gala. Stay at home until mom gets well. And on weekends, I have my duty to take care of mom. But I`m a hard-headed kiddo. So :p No one can stop me, lalo na ngayon na I should make the most out of my senior life. ;) 3 months nalang. Haha! Dad`s not around naman e. And I wish the Bataan whatever-you-call-it should not be signed. So that he won`t come home often. Bad bad girl. >:) I have nothing to do here on the internet. I can't freakin' find the part 3, Episode 6 of Good Daddy . Hong Ki~ya & Heechul. There`s one but it has no english subs. I miss. I want to continue reading The Wedding but I`m too lazy. Usually, the start of Nicholas Sparks` books aren`t interesting eh. My reading span had lowered a bit. Dati laging 1 day. If it`s thick, 2-3 days. Now.. only-God-knows-how-long ! :)) I`m excited for Reena`s birthday. Finally, I`ll be out of the house. I need some partying. Lol. :)) Merry Christmas
Friday, December 25, 2009
12:34 PM
MERRY CHRISTMAS! I just want to greet everyone who happen to stumbled here on my site. ;) Kamsamhamnida! :> Yikee. I had a hard time doing the color. XD Yeah, new layout. I said I`ll be keeping the last one for a week but I changed my mind. I saw someone using the same. Oh well. :p Noche Buena was okay. Not much food, bloated though. I only ate few coz I was bloated from our dinner. XD I was just watching and playing until the last minute. They were already eating when I came up. :p Parents were asleep. It was quiet. Imagine 6 people eating. No talks. WTF. I received a gift from my sister. XD And oh! Surprise, dad came home... again. :p After, I waited for a few minutes then slept. Geez. What a happy christmas. Sooo happy. *sarcasm* If you call it christmas, t`was like an ordinary gathering but there`s so much food. Can`t wait for new year! Lol. *end of sarcasm* Feels like the grinch
Thursday, December 24, 2009
8:50 AM
Is it christmas? Not in our house.There`s no spirit of christmas here. Yeah, only mom`s the one bringing the spirit during christmas. But now, she`s stucked in bed. *sighs* It`s just like an ordinary day. For the past few years. During 24th, when I wake up they`re already prepping things for the Noche Buena. There`s christmas songs banging on the speakers. Now, it`s so friggin' silent. No one`s preparing for tonight's event. We still have to take care of mom. Bummer. This is so depressing. I wanna cry. Tears are already welling up in my eyes. T_T Geez. This is hard. Spaghetti lang naman yung handa mamaya. Maybe I`ll just sleep tonight. No more happy christmas. No more exchanging gifts. No more happy family. No more happiness. I can`t help but miss you
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
8:56 PM
New layout. \:D/ I`ll be keeping this for atleast 1 or 2 weeks? Haha!I`m addicted to Cafe World. Thanks to my sister. :)) I thought it was corny. But yeah, I ate my words. :) I guess, I`ll be waking up early just to check it. =))))) I recently discovered Good Daddy. I`m hooked. Heechul~ Finished with Episode 1. Though the last two parts were -----. Kasi walang subs. ANOBAAA. I was like O.O Nakakatawa pero hindi ako makatawa kasi ano ba yung sinasabi nila. =)))) Few days left before christmas. This could be the worst. You call it Noche Buena? :| I guess not. I`m just looking forward for Reena`s birthday. :p At least, I think that would be fun. I want to evict someone out of our house. My fckn uncle. Thank God, tomorrow he`ll leave for christmas. I hope he won`t come back. He`s being paid, but he doesn`t want to do anything in our house. He snoops like shit. Like are you my father?! Lagi nalang ako pinapansin. FCKOFF. Hindi tayo close, okay? Bullcrap. He almost blabbed to my father that I have a boyfriend[which is not yet true]. Kung natuloy yun, papalayasin ko na siya. :)) I miss Jerome. :| and my friends. I wanna go out. It`s so boring here. I`m running out of things to do. :o I need boooooooks~ I`m blogging for the sake of updating my site. TTFN. ♥ Wanna play
Sunday, December 20, 2009
9:41 PM
Everybody's asleep.Okay. I was shocked today. I thought dad won`t come home. But earlier, bro knocked on my door and said he was here. I thought it was just bullshit because I don`t want to go outside. But yeah, I made up my mind and went to mom`s room. I was about to die. Hahaha! Everything went well, I guess. :| I let him see my card. Good thing, my 2nd quarter grades was really really good. He didn`t said anything ;) Dumbfounded. Kidding. He`ll go back tomorrow morning. So much for that crap. XD .... Love has been keeping me busy lately. Haha!  Beyond happy. Deliriously happy. I`m so happy that he`s back to me. He`s back for good. XD I`ve wished for it a million times, and it was granted. Everybody deserves 2nd chances right? :) I know this will be worth it. It was worth the wait and hurt anyway. Now, there`s no waiting on the wings girl/boyfriend stealer anymore. He`s all mine. No sharing. :p And I really feel that he loves me. O baka feeling ko lang talaga yun? Haha! Sobrang inseparable kami ngayon e. XD But I still don`t know when will I make it official. ;p Goodnight! :> Don`t you know my love is real?
Friday, December 18, 2009
6:23 PM
Exams are finished!Math was bullshit! Everytime naman. :)) Done with Christmas shopping. Dayum. I`m broke. 50 nalang natira sa pera ko! HAHAHAHA :)) I know maffrustrate nanaman ako katulad last year, yung mga gusto kong gift hindi yun ang binigay sakin pero ako I`ve tried hard to give what they want. No offense naman. :o That`s just what I`m feeling. Pero on the positive note, it`s the thoughts thats countsss. =)))) Dad`s coming home tomorrow. Lol. PSHHHHH. XD Nervous. Because he might scold me. O.O Excited for tomorrow`s christmas party. Last though. -_- 10 days to go
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
7:19 PM
Christmas. I love the cold breeze. I love the sparkle of the lights. I still don`t feel it`s spirit. But tonight is the start of the Simbang Gabi. As usual, I won`t complete it. Haha! Eversince, I`ve never ever completed it. I just wait for my parents to come home with puto bumbong? Is that right? Yung violet thingo. Ancient. :)) Or I might be sleeping soundly in my bed. Haha! If I`ll be able to attend it, I prefer the dawn mass. Feel na feel mo pag yun e. :>So. Exams first on Thursday and Friday. I`m still not reviewing. Tomorrow nalang. My mind won`t absorb it today e. I just love cramming. Haha ! =)) Crazy. Christmas Party on Saturday. I still don`t have gifts and clothes. Geez, poordom. :)) But mom said, they already received my money from dad. Yehey. And oh, we`re gonna dance on the party. John Joe`s crew. HAHAHAHAHA. Get ready for hardcore moves. XD Last week in school. Smchool. Lol. Okayyyy. Ran out of raves. :> Material things
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
9:33 PM
Pambawi sa emo post ko.Weee. Ayos. Mine. But I still prefer last year`s planner. But this the cover is so cool. The texture pala. Any, it`s worth every bucks. Every coffee. Ang drama.  Wish-e Shoot me
8:25 PM
I`m back! :)It was our retreat last Dec. 7-9, 2009. It was sooooo fun and very memorable. I learned a lot of things. *Bad vibes* But still I can`t still sort out my feelings. I still hadn`t find myself. Some aspects in my life got complicated. I know my friends will read this. So yeah, let`s get this over with. During retreat, open forum. Yeah, you know that shiznit. Feelings that have been kept for too long had been said.. which results to me as the "kontrabida". For all our fights and misunderstandings.. the sole reason was me. Everything was my fault. I can`t really take the pain, the truth. Hindi ko alam, ako na pala yung naglalamat sa friendship namin. Dahil sakin nagkahiwalay hiwalay kami, nahati kami sa grupo. Almost all, sakin may hinanakit. I`ve tried so hard to please, befriend and get close to them. But still, I`m the one ruining everything. Not only their friendship with me but their friendship with all in the group. As a person, it hurts so much. I`m telling myself over and over again "You don`t really know them, dahil sayo nahahawa yung iba. Nagkakalabo lahat. Do I deserve this friendship? Do they deserve me? Do I deserve them?" What hurts the most is when your friends left you hanging in the air. I felt betrayed. Nabastos ako harap harapan, nagmukha akong masama. Yun lang. Gets niyo na kung ano yan. Another aspect which is soo complicated. Lovelife. I don`t why I can`t fckin let go of the past. Okay na ngayon e. Pero pilit ko paring binabalik yung issue kay girl. Ako na yung may problema. Ewan. Why does it have to be me? What`s the problem with me? Ako na lang lagi yung reason sa mga complication sa buhay ng ibang tao. Sa buhay ko. I make my own problems, I became the problem of others. WHAT`S WRONG WITH ME?! Hindi ako karapat dapat maging kaibigan nila. Hindi ako karapat dapat na mahalin niya. Kontrabida lang ako sa mga buhay nila. I`m worthless. I shouldn`t be loved. Bloody
Sunday, December 6, 2009
8:55 PM
FUN DAY. ♥For all the drama this week, it paid off this day. I had fun. Went to Festival with my ex-bf/suitor. Haha! We watched Ninja Assassin. It was.. bloody. :)) I didn`t understand the story. XD I`m reading the plot online. =))) Thanks for the treat. Yey to late birthday gifts. :)) After, my sister was there. We rummaged clothes at People Are People. I bought two tops. GAWD. I`m happy. :)) I`m eye-ing a dress there, I`ll buy that for our Christmas party. :o Treated her at Starbucks. 4 coffees to go, and that planner is mine. Haha! Ate at McDo. Yun lang. Natuwa ako sa kwentuhan namin ni Jerome sa foodcourt. Heart to heart talk. :) 3 days without tv and computer. GOODLUCK. I`ll be holy when I come back. XD Adios :) Not so sweet sixteen
Friday, December 4, 2009
7:24 PM
Happy Birthday to me. LOL. It`s not friggin happy. Sweet friggin sixteen. Early in the morning, I was really too lazy to get up. I really don`t want to go to school. But I have no choice. There had been many texts. Haha! So yeah, I arrived at school almost late. When I entered the room there`s a cake from my friends. Haha! I blew the candle 16 times. :))   Here`s the catch. My adviser ruined my birthday. HURRAH! She made me cry. BIGTIME :)) She humiliated me in front of my classmates. The line which strucked me is "wala akong pakielam kahit birthday". Uhh, excuse lang. Pasintabi birthday ko naman. Haha! So that made my birthday so Yeah. I got depressed the whole day. I don`t know but I just don`t feel like it`s my birthday. I felt like a nobody today. Gusto ko na ngang umuwi kaagad e. It was also boring. So many teachers aren`t around so we`ve got nothing to do. I just got happy in the afternoon. Tiring though because of the CAT. We had 40 squat thrusts. DAMN. I thought I`m gonna die. I said to myself "Birthday mo ha! Eto ang saya saya". =)) Basta yun. Tapos my family fetched me. We went to Shell Starbucks. Treated them. Yieee. Got home. Ate Carbonara. Yum-o! They gave me another cake White Forest. So I have two cakes. Haha! BLOATED. O.O  Pwede naring pagtiyagaan yung birthday ko kahit papano. Tama yung sinabi ko. Worst birthday ever. Pre-birthday
Thursday, December 3, 2009
7:08 PM
Yeah. It`s my birthday tomorrow. I don`t really wanna make a big deal about my birthday. I blush nga when someone wishes me a happy birthday. XD Not really excited though.So my plans for the rest of the days this week. Tomorrow. Go to school. Yes, I am going even if I don`t want. Treat my friends at lunch. Hehehe. Treat my family in Starbucks for the sake of the planner. =)) Go home. My sibs will cook for me. Yey. Small salu-salo XD Saturday. Will go to Divisoria. Yes. I am really going, believe it or not. I`m going with my sisters, will shop for christmas gifts. Sunday. IP Shooting. Mall after. Will buy clothes for Retreat[yes, that`s how pathetic and arrogant I am] and Christmas. NEXT WEEK. 3days off. We`re off to Tagaytay for our Retreat. Even if we`re in a stage of you know being thrifty. Hindi pwede sakin yun. My mom said earlier "Yan na, bibigyan na kita ng pera sa birthday, pangdivi at pambili ng damit. I know you can`t live a poor life". Yeah right. Haha! I`m still guilty. I made my mom cry last night. I was just raving about I want my life back. Our family back the way it used to be before. Relentless wasting of money and the like. Happy. Now, our house is lifeless. Sad. Even if there`s many people, it`s just not jovial for me. But beyond this situation, I learned to budget my allowance. Sometimes in school when we need to pay for something, I`m just the one who`s paying for it. Unlike before, puro hingi. I learned to contain myself from buying wants. I deprived myself of food =)) GAWD. It`s been months since I`ve eaten from a fine dining restaurant, shopped for clothes, and bought gadgets. :| It`s just crazy. OO. MATERIALISTIC AKO! Aminado ako. Mayabang ako. Ayoko ng mahirap. Ayoko ng nagtitipid. Ayoko ng ganitoooooooo! This could be my worst birthday. |