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 Asian ; Filipina 18 years of fragility. This has been up since 2008. Rants of LOVE, life & whatnot. Affiliates
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COOL PERSON/S. |
Please just don`t play with me. My paper heart will bleed
Sunday, November 29, 2009
11:01 AM
I don`t know if I`m doing the right thing. But I know in my heart, this is right. This is worth fighting for. This will all be worth it.No one`s telling me that I`m stupid or whatever. I`m risking my heart, I don`t care it was already broken. I can do whatever I want with myself. I can engage myself into whatever relationships I prefer. No one could tell me what to do, cause they don`t know how it`s been without him. How I suffered hell without him. How I am so madly inlove with him. Everybody deserves 2nd chances, right? People do change. I was wrong back then, we were both wrong. I forgave him. I forgave myself? Lol. Starting all over again. I hope this will turn out okay. I will never ever give up on him again and I will never ever give him to some girl who`s not worth all the pain I`ve suffered in setting him free. Tchhhh. Please just let me be happy. I need him right now. I need him forever. I love you. Always will
Saturday, November 28, 2009
8:01 PM
Just wanna blab about my day. Haha! I`m bored e.SOOOOO. We went to Asian for mom`s therapy. It was boring. I was just playing in my iPod. Lol. I treated them to Starbucks. GAWD. I`m broke. 4 frappes. Dayumm. =)))) Next week again. I need it for the planner. Kahit panget siya for the sake of a new planner, I`ll waste money. Early treat daw para sa birthday ko. Lols. It`s the first time in the history of my Starbucks/Coffee life that my name was spelled right. :)  Edz not Eds. :))Nothing could ever beat the cream base. I`ll still settle for Starbucks coffee. Eventhough I was addicted to Coffee Bean`s coffee when mom was still confined. Hoho. Okayyy. I`m gonna eat dinner. Bro`s gonna be ballistic. Kidding! XD LAST
6:57 AM
Last Nov. 26, 2009 we had our fieldtrip at Bataan. Oh yes, I`m tattling about it. :))It`s my 2nd time there since we went there last April. XD Stop over. First went at Bacolor? Church. SANTINO! :)) Haha and at mayor`s house. Then Mt. Samat. GAWD. It was tiring but worth it. It was fulfilling to reach the top. I was so amazed with the view. Hehe. One of a kind. I think I lost weight just going up there. Joke. I wish. =))))) Had lunch there. Then to off to Pawikan. I didn`t removed my shoes. Icky. XD Tug of war between Ambo and Fulge. Hahaha! Winner. Subic, Duty Free. I didn`t bought chocolates since we have lots of them and we always go to Duty Free when dad comes home. I just bought Blue Bloods at NBS. Yeah, dumayo ako ng Subic. HAHAHAHA! Going home. Stop over somewhere in Bulacan or Pampanga? Whatev. Thanks for the treat at Starbucks, Reena! Back to school around 10:30 or 11? Jamming, Eheads fever. 2012. Resident Evil along the way. And uhhhh, scandals. =))) It was my most memorable and most fun field trip. Yeah, we made the most out of it since it`s the last. Hoho. AT syempre alam na kung bakit. XD  Best section ever. AMBROSE! Embrose pala. Haha. Ah-Uhmmm. =)))) Tell me where did I go wrong
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
6:07 PM
I just can`t forget him.I love him so much. Sobraaaaaa. Define. :| They broke up na. I don`t know if he still loves me. O.O Ayoko umasa. Tch. Yung mga sinasabi niya, I don`t know if I`m gonna believe it. Pero napapaniwala ako e. This week we`re acting like kami ulit, ewan ko. Ang comfortable parin e. Kahit andaming nangyari. Kahit ganito lang masaya na ako. I`ve waited for him. I thought I was moving on but it`s the other way around. I am not. I`m loving him more and more kahit nung alam kong sila pa. I was hoping someday, he might realize na ako talaga yung mahal niya. I want him back. Am I asking for too much? I found my happiness with him but he left me. But still, I`m willing to be hurt again and heal his broken heart? I already forgave him. I don`t care what others will say. I love him, I can`t do anything about that. Been there
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
6:42 PM
Another one of my troubles. Forgive me for being so dramatic. GAWD.Geez *breathes*. Si bago. I don`t know. Well, I was expecting too much ya know. That maybe he`ll like me too, maybe he`ll love and heal my broken heart. Yet, I was just fooling myself na mahal ko na to. Nalimutan ko na si ano. Siya na talaga. Well, he was in my dreams but you know it when it`s real love. You can`t stop thinking about him. you`re almost on the verge of stalking, you get jealous like mad yadda. After a lot of thinking. I therefore conclude hoho, I just LIKE him. No more no less. I was ONLY attracted. BUT. When I found out the truth, it just stung. I don`t know. It did hurt. It changed my view of the situations and uhh.. people around me. I can`t help it. Yeah. Maybe this will pass. I wasn`t hurt because I can`t push through to my plans and wala na kaming pag-asa. Ewan ko pero yung... Hayy. Can`t spill it. I don`t wanna cause any commotion amongst my.. ARG. I don`t love him. He`s not a loss. And he has no right to hurt me even if he doesn`t know it haha. Because we weren`t even friends or been close. Whatever. This is just a silly crush. Haha! There`s a fckin different reason why I`m hurt e. This blog post is confusing. Sorry. Karma`s a bitch
Sunday, November 22, 2009
5:50 PM
So I don`t wanna tattle about this but I can`t help it.History repeats itself. Haha! :) I`ve been hearing a lot of rumors about my ex`s gf flirting with someone. The one she`s been inloved before my ex. Hoho. C`mon! Eh yun rin yung nangyari dati. Si ex nadala dun sa girl kasi nga una niyang nagustuhan yun bago. :p It`s much worse on my ex part cause she`s been ignoring him. Totally blocking him out of her life. So parang ako. WTF. Inagaw mo na sakin tapos lolokohin mo lang pala. Si ex nagbubulag bulagan e. He doesn`t want to admit to himself na kung ano yung ginawa niya sakin dati nangyayari sakanya ngayon. WOW WOW. :)) Forgot to tell you readers na inaway ko si girl. Nadiscipline nga kami e. Tapos biglang after nun, gagaguhin niya lang si ex. Define malandi bitch whatever lahat na. Si girl na ang gumawa ng ikakabagsak niya. Pinatunayan niya lang na malandi siya e. Una inagaw niya tapos nung naagaw niya na, di pa nakuntento naghanap pa ng iba pang maagawan. =))) Oo galit ako sakanya. Bitter parin ba ako? Maybe. XD Kay ex naman. Yan kasi! Niloko mo ko. Haha! Kung nagstick ka na lang sakin, hindi ka pa masasaktan. Eh mas malala pa yung nangyayari sayo ngayon. :p Tinanong ako pa`no kung bumalik? Tawa nalang. Hindi na mangyayari yun. Obsessed siya dun e, tignan mo nga niloloko na siya wala parin sakanya. Tsaka ako nagmomove on na ako. Masaya na nga ako sa buhay ko. :)) Nandito na lang ako para imulat siya sa katangahan. Kahit naman niloko niya ko ayoko parin namang masaktan siya. Katulad nung kami, ayaw ko rin naman siya masaktan nun. I still care for him kahit yun nga. Hindi naman ako ganun kabitch na galit na galit e. I`m learning to let go. Pero masaya ipamukha sakanya na "ANO KA NGAYON!?" Karma is a bitch. Haha! And I still want to help him, kung pwede nga lang maging bestfriend ko pa siya e. Kasi naman may mga bagay na sakanya ko lang nasasabi at siya lang ang nakakaintindi. I know his pain right now. I felt that too. XD Ako lang din ang may alam nun kahit ayaw niya iadmit sakin. I knooooow. :D YUN LANG. XD It`s as if I`d never existed
Saturday, November 21, 2009
6:54 PM
Exams are finished. Woohoo. :) We watched New Moon at ATC. Bitin! Ahh. Taylor`s body like wtf. Drop dead. O.O Ate at Burger King then Starbucks. Yes! Hahaha! Finally, hindi na ako deprived sa food. Pero gusto ko ng turon! :)) At Taho. ANOBAYAN. Pig. =))  Of all the people that I`ll see. Siya pa. Coincidence much? Same cinema and time pa. Oha. Nakadress ang lola. We should`ve dressed up too, pasexyhan. Kidding. Enough of bitterness. :p I`m contented with R. Kahit hindi niya alam at nasasaktan niya ako. XD GAWD. Blue Bloods novel. Gusto ko. 4 books. Tch. Tapos kita ko pa album ng Suju, Suju-M at SNSD. I WANT. O.O Wala na ako masabi. *Credits to Kat for the pics. :) I believe I was cleverly deceived
Friday, November 20, 2009
4:04 PM
1st day of exams are finished. It was quite easy, pero alam kong hindi tama yung sagot ko. I`m not confident with my answers. :)) Filipino was bullshit. You don`t even have an idea wtf is the answer. Difficult questions tapos scrambled pa yung choices. Okay. Pahirap. O.OI`m confused. :| I know deep inside my heart, I still love my ex. Syempre hindi ganun lang yun, may matitira parin. Pero eto, si bago. I super like him. I feel.. love ko narin yata. But I`m afraid to fall for him, yung todo. Kumbaga ngayon 25% na yung love hindi pa 100%. Pero.. Baka masaktan lang ako at mareject lang ako. Aamin ba ako o hindi? He`s not the type of guy who`s interested in love. His interest are studying and playing guitar, Okayyyyy. :x AWWW. Still need to study. :3 Love drunk
Sunday, November 15, 2009
10:59 AM
Yeah. I was drunk last night? Oh, maybe no. Hahaha! But I can`t remember what I did. I don`t even remember sleeping at mom`s room. My friends said the way my text are was insane. =))I can still remember when I was in my room. I was reading his letter for me for our last monthsary. I`m cussing him over and over. I tried to cry but the tears won`t fall. May bg music pa nga e. XD Tapos yun I was texting and calling him. But he doesn`t want to answer my call. Ang OA ko pa nga daw e. After that, I can`t remember na. =)))) The Bar! XD I love it specially when it`s full of ice. :) And now my back. Ang kati! Any, wala kasing kwenta kainuman yung ate ko. Hindi ako makapaglabas ng sama ng loob. XD At ayaw niya ko malasing pero nangyari padin. :p Super heartbroken. Di talaga makaget-over ang lola niyo. GRABE. Ang sakit sakit na talaga. I just wanna die. Geeee
Saturday, November 14, 2009
6:42 PM
This past few days.. I`ve been broken. Kidding! I know y`all know it. To take my mind off that shit. I`ve been addicted again to KPop. SUPER! Dati medyo lang ngayon super duper. XD Nonstop downloading of music videos and songs. Haha! Super Junior and SNSD! ♥ I`m memorizing Gee. Haha! I know I`m not an SNSD material, hahaha. It won`t hurt to dance their song right? :D I hate know-it-alls. Anyway.. =))Yesterday was one of my luckiest Friday the 13th. =)) My general average increased. From 86 to 88. Yey! All subject grades increased. Plus my adviser and I are now okay. :) Still rank 17th. Haha! I don`t know what`s mom reaction, I don`t care. I just told her that I`m tired of competing it`s okay if I`m not on the top 10. What matters is my grades increased. Well,that shut her up. :p Incentive! But yeah, financial crisis because mom`s been hospitalized there had been many debts. I just need to be understanding. Hopefully, we`ll be back on track soon. Fingers crossed! We went to Asian hospital this day for mom`s therapy. It was boring, I was just on the waiting area playing Tap Tap on my iPod. XD Then sis got hungry so we ate at Delifrance. Hahaha. =)) They bought me the New Moon special of candy mag. I got excited! Hahaha! Nov. 21. :) To update you. It`s war between me and the couple. Bitter parin? Maybe. =)) No. I`M BLINDED BY HATE. :DDDD I don`t know I just exploded. Ginagago nila ako eh. It wasn`t a coincidence that their service stopped in front of me and my friends. Then all of their servicemates were looking at me. FCK. Okay. I asked ex' sister about wtf just happened and it`s true.Yun, I exploded. Ex' been fighting for that girl. Siya nalang daw, wag daw yun. Okay. I don`t care kung magbreak sila, or maybe I care masaya yun! Sakin lang, I just want to defend myself. I`m starting to look like a loser. Yung pinagkakawaan yung babaeng iniwan. FCKYOU. Sakit sa pride nun! Haha. Kaya.. Sa monday. Evil has been awaken. =)))))) Ang sakit pag sinabihan ka ng ganito. "Ako yung kusang umalis." Eh ako kaya yung nakipagbreak. "Pero ayaw ko na talaga. Naghihintay lang ako eh." YUUUNNN! Lumabas din yung totoo, hindi pala niloko. Bullcrap. Sabi ko bat hindi nalang siya ang nakipagbreak. Di pa daw kasi siya sure kung sino talaga. Hayup. Pero nung araw na nakipagbreak ako buo na daw loob niya nun. PERO HININTAY NIYA PARIN NA AKO ANG MAKIPAGBREAK. Leche. Para lumabas na wala siyang ginawang masama. Genius right? :D CARRIED AWAY. XD So long
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
7:50 PM
..It`s been 19 days since the breakup. Yeah, that`s how pathetic I am. I made a countdown. I promised myself that this will be the last day that I`ll be bitter. XD I want to forget him, really. :D I hugged him kanina. I felt.. nothing. No spark or fireworks yadda unlike when we`re still together. IMPROVING! :D I sent a text message to him, dramatic again. LAST NA TALAGA YUN! I don`t know but the love is slowly dying, all I`m feeling is hate. I HATE HIS EXISTENCE. I hate how he compares me to her. I hate how he talks to me like nothing happened. I hate him for being so insensitive. I hate him. Period. This past few weeks I`ve been pretentious. Pretending I`m happy? Pretending it`s all okay. But I get to think, bakit nga ba ako bitter?! I`m the one who left. I`m the one who ended it, hindi ako yung iniwan. But how he implies na iniwan niya ko. FCKOFF. Siguro dahil, all this time niloko niya lang ako. Yun yung kinakabitter ko, hindi yung siya yung nang-iwan. Pinaniwala niya akong I`m the one he really loves, na ako lang talaga. At nalaman ko ang mga kagaguhan niya break na kami. Sooooo, hindi ako ang loser dito. Siya ang pinakabobong cheater, hindi man lang nagbura e. HAHAHAHA! Sabi nga ni JP, hindi niya alam kung ano talaga ang love. :p Ako rin yung mali. I confessed TOO early. Hindi siya nanligaw. Wala siyang pinatunayan. Ewan ko, sa sandaling panahon. Nabalewala niya lahat. Yung mga sacrifices ko, yung mga pinagdaanan namin. I was there when he suffered dengue, I was almost on the brink of insanity akala ko hindi siya gagaling. I became patient kahit lagi kaming nawawalan ng oras. EWAN KO BA`T GANUN!? What the fcking hell did I do para mawala ng ganun, sa isang iglap lang boom di ka na niya mahal. I don`t know kung nung kami, totoo lahat ng sinabi niya sakin. Parang lies lang lahat e. Unfair pa, grabe yung mga paghihirap niya dun sakin walang kaeffort effort e. Pero pag sinabihan ko siya okay. Wala siyang pakielam kung may napatunayan ba siya nung kami. Siya lang yung ex kong ganun. Yung iba kong ex, kahit may iba na sila. Pinipilit parin nilang minahal talaga nila ko blablahh ayaw parin nila akong masaktan. Siya. Wala talaga, insensitive. Kahit masaktan ako okay lang basta hindi yung bago niya. Kahit mamatay pa yata ako sa harap niya okay lang e. Ganun siya ka sama. Ganun siya ka gago. Ganun siya kawalang kwenta. Sobrang nagsisisi ako kung bakit minahal ko siya. I love him super and it hurts sooo much. T_T I feel good. I just want to let it all out. Last na. Move on. Slowly.. Sasampalin ko na talaga yung sarili ko kapag di tumigil sa kakaalala at kakakwento. Ibabato ko yung phone ko pag nagtext ako sakanya. Haha! GM lang pwede at kung importante pwede naring PM. Hahaha. GOODBYE ASSHOLE! Hahaha! Bitter eh no. Goodluck. Lalo na sa room ayaw ako tigilan ng mga nilokong issue. SINONG NILOKO? SINONG BITTER? HINDI AKO! =))))) Every aching wound would cauterize and bruise
Saturday, November 7, 2009
1:58 PM
Yes. An emo post again XDTagalog na di ko makwento ng maayos. =))) The truth will always prevail. So akala ko alam ko na yung totoo, di pa pala. I WAS JUST A REBOUND ! And also became a bridge! NICEEEEEE. He liked that girl since God knows when hahaha! Bago niya pa ako makilala. 2nd year palang kami. Grabe 3 years niya ng gusto? Tapos yun ngayong year, eto ako stupid umamin kagad. Baka kaya siguro napilitan lang siya. Tapos eh ang galing ko ako nagsabi kay girl na may gusto siya dun. Lagi pa akong nakikipagbreak at sinabing dun nalang siya. At yun nandun na nga siya. Haha. Sila na. For the record, 2 or 3 weeks palang yata since the break up. Di niya man lang nirespeto yung feelings ko. Lagi ko pa silang nakikita sa school, at yun kachorvahan kung hindi ako tumatakbo di ko nalang sila tinitignan. Great. Naaawa ako sa sarili ko, wala akong naging laban. Naging panakip butas lang ako, hindi niya nga siguro ako minahal. And classmates kami, great diba? Lagi ko siyang nakikita. Lagi kong naaalala lahat ng sakit, lalo na pag paulit ulit sinasabi ng mga kaklase ko. Bestfriends kami sabi ko pero wag nalang. Haha. The problem is, I can`t get over. Di ko malimutan kahit nandito si isang inspiration. Kaso para namang hindi uso lovelife sakanya. Pero ang saya talaga nung mass kahapon, holding hands kami ni inspiration sa ama namin. Anyway, back to my ex. He`s such a jerk yun lang yon. SANA MAKALIMOT NA AKO ! :( |