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}} WONDERS
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Profile
 Asian ; Filipina 18 years of fragility. This has been up since 2008. Rants of LOVE, life & whatnot. Affiliates
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COOL PERSON/S. |
This can be the end of me
Sunday, March 27, 2011
7:20 PM
I just received a crippling blow in my future. Benilde will be accepting scholarship applications for sophomore students during 1st term of SY 2011-2012 and it will be effective on 2nd term. Which means I might not be able to get enrolled for this term due to financial problems. I had withdrawn 3 subjects this term, I don't know for next term. I've enlisted and will be encoding a full load next term tho. I'm still worried. Although Mom told me that it's too early to say and since installment is now allowed because we're already sophomores, there is a 50-50 chance. I don't want to withdraw any of my subjects again, and I really really still want to study. 1 more term, please. Lord. I don't care if I'll be going solo in almost all my subjects, I just want to stay in Benilde :( I'm becoming optimistic with all of this. I don't know, when it comes to educational issues I'm scared to imagine negative things. Like, what if Mom can't find a way which means I'll be filing a Leave of Absence, stop for 1 term and probably die the next day. I don't want to think about that. Whatever happens, happens. Ayoko lang mangyari yung mga negatibong bagay. Denial? Carelessness? I don't care. They said, prepare for the worst.. but I can't let the worst to happen to me. I can't and I won't be able to recover. Intuition
4:08 PM
Maybe I don't love him, I just miss him. I resorted in telling those things maybe because I was overwhelmed by his presence. By us, getting to see each other again. It was just a spur of the moment feeling.I just miss him. That's all. I'm taking everything the wrong way. The feeling went away, suddenly. I don't know. I'm not sure if it will still come back. I hope not! Goodbye
Friday, March 25, 2011
10:39 PM
I am deleting A-related posts because he doesn't deserve a place here and maybe the other two guys who's in the same boat. I want to forget my ugly past with them. They aren't worth it, they left me. End of story.Dreaming dream
9:18 PM
I've got so many ideas in mind, for me to write about, but here I am stuck thinking of sharing it publicly and writing intently to please everyone. I always end up writing what I have not planned from the start, the thoughts won't come. Thus, making me write about something else.Shiz. Anyhoo. I have to be myself. Which I am probably not for the past few days.. years to be exact. I need to find myself. I need to be myself. My enemy is myself. Seriously. I want to start over again. Start anew but that means a lot. It requires a lot of responsibility and adjustments. (See, I don't know what I'm talking about right now. I was supposed to blog about my love rants but it turned out like this.) Love rants: I think I'm still in love with this guy which I did write about here. A LOT. Nearly 3 years on August but still the feeling stayed. I just recently realized it. I don't want him back and I'm not madly in love with him either. I can measure it by 30% but it's still love, right? So it still counts. It saddens and pains me to realize that he can live without me. Again. My same old rants, 3 months ago and last year before we got back together for the last time. I thought when I had flings and mutual relationships with other guys, I already moved on. Yet, I was wrong. I almost told everyone that I don't love him anymore. But it's just.. the feelings won't go away. It's just there, it may have lessen a bit but it didn't go away entirely. I just didn't acknowledge it. I taught my heart what to feel, not hear what it feels. Makes sense, right? Ewwwww. I'm sounding like my old self - love maniac. I tried to be like him. I tried not to care about love at all. He's the reason why I don't believe in love anymore. Because he doesn't, and that just sucks. I wanted me to be the reason for him to believe in love again. Because in some part of my heart, I want him to love me again like the old times. Oh God, this is mushy I know. Cheers to all the long lost broken-hearted people who thought they had moved on but merely nothing can change the fact that it's still the same guy or girl. This post is idiotic and crazy. Don't know what's gotten into me to write about him again, I really thought I was past this phase. Surprisingly, I am not. Not yet. Saengil chukha hamnida
Thursday, March 3, 2011
8:25 PM
Happy Birthday DAD!I miss you and I love you! Take care of me wherever you are. |