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}} WONDERS
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 Asian ; Filipina 18 years of fragility. This has been up since 2008. Rants of LOVE, life & whatnot. Affiliates
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Dreaming dream
Friday, March 25, 2011
9:18 PM
I've got so many ideas in mind, for me to write about, but here I am stuck thinking of sharing it publicly and writing intently to please everyone. I always end up writing what I have not planned from the start, the thoughts won't come. Thus, making me write about something else.Shiz. Anyhoo. I have to be myself. Which I am probably not for the past few days.. years to be exact. I need to find myself. I need to be myself. My enemy is myself. Seriously. I want to start over again. Start anew but that means a lot. It requires a lot of responsibility and adjustments. (See, I don't know what I'm talking about right now. I was supposed to blog about my love rants but it turned out like this.) Love rants: I think I'm still in love with this guy which I did write about here. A LOT. Nearly 3 years on August but still the feeling stayed. I just recently realized it. I don't want him back and I'm not madly in love with him either. I can measure it by 30% but it's still love, right? So it still counts. It saddens and pains me to realize that he can live without me. Again. My same old rants, 3 months ago and last year before we got back together for the last time. I thought when I had flings and mutual relationships with other guys, I already moved on. Yet, I was wrong. I almost told everyone that I don't love him anymore. But it's just.. the feelings won't go away. It's just there, it may have lessen a bit but it didn't go away entirely. I just didn't acknowledge it. I taught my heart what to feel, not hear what it feels. Makes sense, right? Ewwwww. I'm sounding like my old self - love maniac. I tried to be like him. I tried not to care about love at all. He's the reason why I don't believe in love anymore. Because he doesn't, and that just sucks. I wanted me to be the reason for him to believe in love again. Because in some part of my heart, I want him to love me again like the old times. Oh God, this is mushy I know. Cheers to all the long lost broken-hearted people who thought they had moved on but merely nothing can change the fact that it's still the same guy or girl. This post is idiotic and crazy. Don't know what's gotten into me to write about him again, I really thought I was past this phase. Surprisingly, I am not. Not yet. |