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Profile
 Asian ; Filipina 18 years of fragility. This has been up since 2008. Rants of LOVE, life & whatnot. Affiliates
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Maximum capacity
Friday, February 11, 2011
8:08 PM
I need to vent everything here. Starting from my two best friends, I really thought they were the one. Yet lately, things are rocky between us. I`m being left out once again. Julia, we always fought about some petty things and she annoys and irritates me all the time. I hate it whenever she`s in a bad mood and she`s like about to kill someone who will block her way. She`s so selfish, a bitch and insensitive. Whenever we fought she never apologize or even look sorry. She treats me like some girl whom she can be bossy around or even belittle. She doesn`t even realize how insensitive she is and goes dramatic over petty things which doesn`t even reach the worrying stage. Diane, she`s the one whom I was very close with. Ever since she had a boyfriend and even now that they broke up, she`s still the same. Whenever I share something, she always look uninterested. I really feel that she slipped away already from me. She was the always one who knew first everything about me regardless of whatever story it is. But now, I feel uneasy in sharing it to her. They are always together, and me, the third girl in the picture is slowly being removed. I don`t know if they are feeling the same way, or they just don`t care. One thing`s for sure, even though I may have said a lot of bad things about them and you can consider this backstabbing.. I still want them in my life. I do want to fix everything. Yet I`m afraid that if I open up this, it would cause a fight. Maybe there`s no problem at all and I am just overreacting. Phew. -------- Mom. She changed a lot since she had a stroke back in 2009. Her left hand is still paralyzed but she can now talk clearly, almost back to normal just her hand. I really wanted to write about this for a long time. I just had this urge now. I miss my mom so much. I miss how I used to sleep beside her and she rubs my back. I miss how we hang out and shop at different places. I miss eating with her in fine dining restaurants or even just at the dinner table. I miss how she worries about me all the time. I miss how she spoils me. I just miss the way we`re mother and daughter. But now? We don`t even bond. She`s always irritated and annoyed because of our financial problems. She thinks of me as a daughter who never changed. The past Edz who was spoiled, insensitive and who just thinks for her own good. I feel like I am just a nuisance and a burden to her. Maybe if I die, she`ll be happy once again because all she`s left to do is recover and make herself healthy again. She, no longer have to think about someone besides herself. I am really struggling to be good. It`s very hard on my part to get used to this life. I admit, I am really spoiled back then. I am an envious person. I always imagine what my life would be if we were still rich.. My gadgets won`t be sold one by one, I could still buy branded clothes, I could still have a full allowance, I won`t be an irregular and lastly, I could go to our Bohol school trip. Everything`s impossible now. I know, we`ll somehow recover from this. But I can`t help but give up. How long? How much do I need to suffer? Is this really worth it? Or worst, is this really the life destined for me? Forever, is it? |