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Profile
 Asian ; Filipina 18 years of fragility. This has been up since 2008. Rants of LOVE, life & whatnot. Affiliates
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Shoot me
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
8:25 PM
I`m back! :)It was our retreat last Dec. 7-9, 2009. It was sooooo fun and very memorable. I learned a lot of things. *Bad vibes* But still I can`t still sort out my feelings. I still hadn`t find myself. Some aspects in my life got complicated. I know my friends will read this. So yeah, let`s get this over with. During retreat, open forum. Yeah, you know that shiznit. Feelings that have been kept for too long had been said.. which results to me as the "kontrabida". For all our fights and misunderstandings.. the sole reason was me. Everything was my fault. I can`t really take the pain, the truth. Hindi ko alam, ako na pala yung naglalamat sa friendship namin. Dahil sakin nagkahiwalay hiwalay kami, nahati kami sa grupo. Almost all, sakin may hinanakit. I`ve tried so hard to please, befriend and get close to them. But still, I`m the one ruining everything. Not only their friendship with me but their friendship with all in the group. As a person, it hurts so much. I`m telling myself over and over again "You don`t really know them, dahil sayo nahahawa yung iba. Nagkakalabo lahat. Do I deserve this friendship? Do they deserve me? Do I deserve them?" What hurts the most is when your friends left you hanging in the air. I felt betrayed. Nabastos ako harap harapan, nagmukha akong masama. Yun lang. Gets niyo na kung ano yan. Another aspect which is soo complicated. Lovelife. I don`t why I can`t fckin let go of the past. Okay na ngayon e. Pero pilit ko paring binabalik yung issue kay girl. Ako na yung may problema. Ewan. Why does it have to be me? What`s the problem with me? Ako na lang lagi yung reason sa mga complication sa buhay ng ibang tao. Sa buhay ko. I make my own problems, I became the problem of others. WHAT`S WRONG WITH ME?! Hindi ako karapat dapat maging kaibigan nila. Hindi ako karapat dapat na mahalin niya. Kontrabida lang ako sa mga buhay nila. I`m worthless. I shouldn`t be loved. |